Saved by the Hail Mary (pass)

I really thought I was done with this!!!!!!

“This “being Headed Into Overtime.

It’s not that I didn’t still feel a very strong need to share.

Or help.

Or continue Jamey’s memory.

I did.

And I still do.

For those of you HOTties who’ve been following along(and who have a long-term-memory strong enough to remember), you know I’ve been at a crossroads with the blog.

We all know why it started.

Then the reason it started, well………ended.

So after Jamey passed, I veered off into a slightly different direction by talking about my mom, my dad and how our family is dealing with my mom’s Alzheimer’s.

Then  I wrote about Jamey again, then my mom, then some issues related to hospice, then updating you all on how Cael and I were doing, then………well, let’s be honest….then I wrote about a whole heck of not a lot.

 

2017 represented some significant milestones for us here at Cranstoun Manor:

Jamey would’ve turned 50; we would’ve celebrated 15 years of marriage.

I had a lot planned for the blog related to those two events.

If you don’t follow the blog through Facebook, you were totally in the dark that either of these events had taken place.

 

In my defense, there are some technical, practical reasons behind that.

 

For starters, the platform I use for the blog isn’t the easiest to work with.

Maybe it’s just my lack of technological proficiency, but I often find that, once I get the meaty content of what I want to convey in a blog written(which, in and of itself is not always an easy task since I edit, re-edit, then edit the re-edited parts some more) the uploading of pictures, links and formatting, then uploading of videos sometimes leaves me in such a state of frustration that I completely abandon the blog post I’d been working on, sentencing it to a grayscaled life of forever hovering in my ever-growing Drafts folder.

I ran into that problem when trying to upload a few videos from our wedding reception.

I wanted you all to get to see Jamey healthy, young and happy.

It never happened.

So, come the beginning of January, I was faced with a decision.

My subscription to the site that hosts Headed Into Overtime was due to expire.

It is not a free site, so I weighed the pros and cons of paying for a site that:

  1. Frustrates the heck out of me, thus discouraging me from posting
  2. Well, I guess see number 1

Since many of you only know about the blog through Facebook(over 500 of you, I believe), I thought about continuing the blog, but only on Facebook.

There are definite benefits to that alternative:

  1. It’s free.

2. It’s easy.

3. I’m on Facebook a lot more than WordPress(the site I use for the blog).

But then I thought about the people who follow the blog who aren’t on Facebook.

And my guess is, if you’re not on Facebook, most of you probably aren’t going to sign up for an account just to follow a measly site that’s rarely updated anyway.

And I also feared that if I let the WordPress site expire, I ran the risk of losing all of my old blog posts.

Sure—I could start all over fresh. You all know what happened to lead us here.

But some of those posts happened in the moments I was with Jamey.

I’d sit, laptop propped on my pillow, in bed next to him, typing a lot of those early-day entries.

Those words and thoughts and feelings are inexorably linked to a living, breathing(ok, yes and probably grumbling about how hungry he was and how he wanted to go downstairs to get something to eat even though he’d just eaten about 10 minutes ago) fleshed, still-warm, albeit scraggly-bearded human being.

Those blog posts keep him alive.

For me. For Cael. For all of you.

So in the end, cheapskate that I may be, I renewed for another year.

And here we are: 2018.

January 16th was the 3 year anniversary of the first post on Headed Into Overtime.

Even though I haven’t posted in months and, in total, only 6 times in 2017, somehow I still have followers.

And somehow, people are still reading this site.

That intrigues me.

It perplexes me.

But it also fuels me.

It makes me think that there may still be some purpose being served in keeping Headed Into Overtime kickin’; just because I don’t see it clearly doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

According to the stats this website runs, on January 15th, 2018, one person from Germany looked at 6 different blog entries.

Who was this person? How did they find us?

Do they also have a loved one with a brain tumor? With Alzheimer’s?

Were they helped, in some way, by what they read?

Did they finish reading those 6 entries happier or, maybe less alone, than they’d felt prior?

Who knows….

But what I’d like to believe is that somehow, Jamey’s life and death have now touched the life  a total stranger in Germany.

In his death, he lives on.

And if that’s not worth the yearly subscription fee to a less-than-perfect website, I’m not sure what is.

Happy New Year, HOTties.

I hope you hear from me soon.

10 thoughts on “Saved by the Hail Mary (pass)

  1. Well, as one BT caregiver who doesn’t Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. and annoys those who do when I request they email me, I’m sure glad to see your posts but would understand wanting to dump a cumbersome and expensive blogging platform. Not participating in that scene is part of my current state of life and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Adding it ( social media, a blog if my own) all to my list of ‘to dos’ in my next life and could only explain to another BT caregiver over a pot of coffee why it won’t work in this one. Still in BT limbo, going on year 6 and his slow steady decline continues.

    I have read thru your older posts more than once and they have always been helpful. It must be that ‘I’m living on planet brain cancer and nobody gets it” phenomena.

    That being said, I have found a very supportive and understanding BT caregiver group on cancercare.com but this site still means an awful lot to me because I found it when I so very much needed information and the social worker couldn’t give me any answers. If you ever turn your blog into a book, you’ve already sold a copy.

    A lot of very special people have come into my life then moved on after their spouses died from this awful cancer, that’s how it goes. But it’s so great to hear from them every now and again. So in regards to that, Hi! Wonderful to hear from you!

    God Bless you,
    Our Lady’s prayers for you.
    Judy Donley

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ok, Judy, I’ll fess up. You were the first person who came to mind when I thought about getting rid of the site on WordPress. I thought I’d remembered you saying in the past you didn’t have a Facebook account. If not, then I just made that assumption based off of—of, who the heck knows!? I know we’re at different points in the path on this unwanted journey, but I feel I’ve gotten as much from you as you say you have from me. I didn’t want to lose that.
      I’m glad to hear you’ve found a circle of frazzled, head-shaking, hand-wringing, devoted, loving BT caregivers. We are a varied bunch, I’m sure, but we share a bond that someone with no knowledge of brain damage and/or deterioration will ever begin to understand. Lucky them!
      I am going to write more. I promise. And in upcoming posts(already have them churning in my noggin), I’ll explain in a little more detail some of the non-technological reasons behind my leave of absence.
      I’m glad you’re still with me/us.
      I enjoy the comfort your responses give me.
      —Kim

      Like

  2. We love you. We don’t care how often you post. We’re on Facebook, but we are ‘older’ and don’t know how to connect with people who don’t try to connect with us. idk. What’s your facebook name? Anyway, my husband had a stroke in 09 and I’ve been caring for his sorry ass ever since and I love him dearly. They just put a new defibrillator in his chest and he survived the operation, so hopefully, we get another 8 years out of him. We have been married 47 years this coming June 30 and proud of it, raised 2 handsome sons and live near both of them in the delightfully small walkabout town of Happy Camp, California where gold is in the river and we can prove it, cuz we’ve found some of it. Hope you keep writing, we do enjoy your missives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, Michelle. You and Judy hit me with a one-two punch of kindness right there and I must admit I’ve got some tears in my eyes from it. And as anyone who knows me can tell you, I’m not one who cries easily.
      47 years is impressive! And to have been a caregiver(I’m assuming) for almost 10 of those 47 must be a challenge. I know for me, at least, I went from the role of wife/partner to sometimes sibling sometimes mother in my relationship with Jamey. I think the extra challenge of having to actually BE a mother to Cael at the same time made thugs extra difficult. But I look at my dad who—even though my mom’s in a hospice facility now—still visits her almost every day with such admiration.

      Like

    • Oops! My reply got cut off(ughhhh….this site!!!!) Anyway, I can feel for you from a wife/caregiver perspective but I also can imagine, from how you write about your husband, that your outlook towards partnership and caregiving sounds a lot like my dad’s. And I admire that. So what do you call the people of your town, then…Happy Campers!?! I’m sure you haven’t heard that joke a thousand times!! As for Facebook, I think if you search for “Headed Into Overime” and click either follow or like, you get the updates. But I’m committed to this WordPress site until 2019, so no rush.
      Take care and I promise I’ll post soon.
      Kim

      Like

  3. Hear, hear…..like I tell folks with whom I correspond, write when you can, don’t stress during the times you can’t. Sometimes the words just don’t come out ’til they’re ready.

    However, there hasn’t been a post of yours yet that didn’t add something to my day.

    Like

  4. Kim,

    Keep going on. I started and stopped on my blog cause it drudged up so many feeling…… I wanna start mine again. Now that I just read your last post I will start mine again soon… you rock Cuz. Keep it up. Hugs to the both of you.

    Like

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