I really thought I was done with this!!!!!!
“This “being Headed Into Overtime.
It’s not that I didn’t still feel a very strong need to share.
Or continue Jamey’s memory.
And I still do.
For those of you HOTties who’ve been following along(and who have a long-term-memory strong enough to remember), you know I’ve been at a crossroads with the blog.
We all know why it started.
Then the reason it started, well………ended.
So after Jamey passed, I veered off into a slightly different direction by talking about my mom, my dad and how our family is dealing with my mom’s Alzheimer’s.
Then I wrote about Jamey again, then my mom, then some issues related to hospice, then updating you all on how Cael and I were doing, then………well, let’s be honest….then I wrote about a whole heck of not a lot.
2017 represented some significant milestones for us here at Cranstoun Manor:
Jamey would’ve turned 50; we would’ve celebrated 15 years of marriage.
I had a lot planned for the blog related to those two events.
If you don’t follow the blog through Facebook, you were totally in the dark that either of these events had taken place.
In my defense, there are some technical, practical reasons behind that.
For starters, the platform I use for the blog isn’t the easiest to work with.
Maybe it’s just my lack of technological proficiency, but I often find that, once I get the meaty content of what I want to convey in a blog written(which, in and of itself is not always an easy task since I edit, re-edit, then edit the re-edited parts some more) the uploading of pictures, links and formatting, then uploading of videos sometimes leaves me in such a state of frustration that I completely abandon the blog post I’d been working on, sentencing it to a grayscaled life of forever hovering in my ever-growing Drafts folder.
I ran into that problem when trying to upload a few videos from our wedding reception.
I wanted you all to get to see Jamey healthy, young and happy.
It never happened.
So, come the beginning of January, I was faced with a decision.
My subscription to the site that hosts Headed Into Overtime was due to expire.
It is not a free site, so I weighed the pros and cons of paying for a site that:
- Frustrates the heck out of me, thus discouraging me from posting
- Well, I guess see number 1
Since many of you only know about the blog through Facebook(over 500 of you, I believe), I thought about continuing the blog, but only on Facebook.
There are definite benefits to that alternative:
- It’s free.
2. It’s easy.
3. I’m on Facebook a lot more than WordPress(the site I use for the blog).
But then I thought about the people who follow the blog who aren’t on Facebook.
And my guess is, if you’re not on Facebook, most of you probably aren’t going to sign up for an account just to follow a measly site that’s rarely updated anyway.
And I also feared that if I let the WordPress site expire, I ran the risk of losing all of my old blog posts.
Sure—I could start all over fresh. You all know what happened to lead us here.
But some of those posts happened in the moments I was with Jamey.
I’d sit, laptop propped on my pillow, in bed next to him, typing a lot of those early-day entries.
Those words and thoughts and feelings are inexorably linked to a living, breathing(ok, yes and probably grumbling about how hungry he was and how he wanted to go downstairs to get something to eat even though he’d just eaten about 10 minutes ago) fleshed, still-warm, albeit scraggly-bearded human being.
Those blog posts keep him alive.
For me. For Cael. For all of you.
So in the end, cheapskate that I may be, I renewed for another year.
And here we are: 2018.
January 16th was the 3 year anniversary of the first post on Headed Into Overtime.
Even though I haven’t posted in months and, in total, only 6 times in 2017, somehow I still have followers.
And somehow, people are still reading this site.
That intrigues me.
It perplexes me.
But it also fuels me.
It makes me think that there may still be some purpose being served in keeping Headed Into Overtime kickin’; just because I don’t see it clearly doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
According to the stats this website runs, on January 15th, 2018, one person from Germany looked at 6 different blog entries.
Who was this person? How did they find us?
Do they also have a loved one with a brain tumor? With Alzheimer’s?
Were they helped, in some way, by what they read?
Did they finish reading those 6 entries happier or, maybe less alone, than they’d felt prior?
But what I’d like to believe is that somehow, Jamey’s life and death have now touched the life a total stranger in Germany.
In his death, he lives on.
And if that’s not worth the yearly subscription fee to a less-than-perfect website, I’m not sure what is.
Happy New Year, HOTties.
I hope you hear from me soon.